Enough

How is it already March?  I feel like January and February was such a blur. Now we’re thinking of plans for Mason’s birthday (turning four…eeek!!), Easter plans, Spring Break plans, etc.  Life is moving at a blur.

At the speed that things are going, I always try to savor the moments and enjoy this season of our life.  In February, we went to a Marriage seminar at North Point called Married Life, and one of the main points the speaker was talking about, had to do with being intentional in your marriage. Fifteen minutes to check in each day, Date nights away each week, an escape together each year.  It’s a reminder to make life exciting with one another, yet also intentional and heartfelt.

After this “married life” date it got me thinking, and I know that the busyness of life we may wonder… are we doing enough?  Am I doing everything I can to be the best Wife, Mother, Friend, Family Member, Christian, …contributing member of society?

I think that I’ve traveled down this road quite a bit with several of these areas, and of course coming to the conclusion that I fall short in ALL areas to some degree.  However, the one that seems to be on my mind quite a bit lately is the last one… contributing member of society.

I know that I pour into my children, that remains true.  However, I can’t help but feel very vulnerable and feel as if I’m falling short in being a contributing member of society.  In plain english, having a real job.

In hopes of not offending every SAHM out there, I want to say, I know I have a real job. I know what I do every day IS in fact enough. The playtime I have with the kids, the chores, the carpooling, child rearing- cooking, etc. Yes, I get it. However, my time with my kids while they’re young is fleeting.  They will soon be all in public school and gone all day.

I feel this urge to get out in the work force again. It’s not even so much as for financial reasons in the sense that we need the money. I mean, the extra money for savings as well as other extras would be really nice, no doubt. However, I think my urge to want to go out in the working world again has more to do with wanting to create an identity for myself outside of being a Mom. I want to know that I’m good at something other than taking pictures of my kids and posting them on social media, taking them to story time at the library, building lego towers/houses/spaceships, tea parties with a little girl and dolls, working out at the gym, blogging, the occasional jewelry making, etc.

Before we decided I would be a stay-at-home Mom five and a half years ago, I worked as an Interior Designer in the corporate world. Now that I have three kids, I get nervous about devoting my time to a job like that again. My fear is that if I pour into a job like the one I had before kids, then I won’t be able to be there enough for my kids. This may be something that a lot of Moms struggle with.

I know that my current skills are in fact enough, but it doesn’t feel like I’m using them to their full potential because of the life stage that I’m in. Being with my kids is the most rewarding (albeit challenging at times) and fulfilling job I’ve ever had. However, I know that being a mom is not all the skills I want to be good at.  I’ve been out of the workforce for so long, it begs the question:  Am I becoming weaker in my job skills, or just stronger in others?

These are some things that have been spinning in this brain of mine over the last few months.  Among this trying to tell myself that no matter what happens in my future career or lack thereof, that I am doing what God has created me to do, and that no matter what, that I will be enough for Him. For my kids. For my husband. For my friends.  My identity isn’t held up in what I do, but in who I am. How I treat others.  As my grandfather Brown would say… in my character. I’m trusting God that when the time comes for me to have a career outside the home, then he will provide clarity and provision for that.

Stay tuned on my career path in the years to come… Until then, I’m going to keep on, keeping on.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s