Even when times are crappy, and it seems that nothing else could possibly go wrong… Even when you feel like every ounce of energy has been squeezed out of you until you can’t do anything but scream…you HAVE to remember…God is sovereign and he will get you through this. God has blessed us with many wonderful blessings.
Even after I had my goals of working out, meditation and intentional giving last week I still fell short. Last week was pretty crappy, but I know…I know I have SO much to learn. I need to learn to manage stress at work, and those hefty deadlines that drive me insane. I need to learn to be positive and RELAX when I sense the stress levels rising. I need to learn to give it to God and let go when I have done all I can to fix it. I need to learn not to put others in my life to this unattainable standard that I try to put myself to. I need to learn that no on is perfect, and neither am I.
I found out last week that I failed the NCIDQ Interior Design exam that I took last fall. My first reaction was…uggh, I knew it, I knew I wasn’t good enough to pass that exam. It was devastating because I put my life on hold, stressed about it for months and months on end and tried to study as much as I could. I still felt like SUCH a failure. I’m glad that I at least tried. It was just a sinking feeling that gave me a flashback to my high school days when I was such a horrible student and failed at almost everything I attempted. Back then I didn’t care, but now…I do. Now I have so much more determination to succeed and live up to that successful model that I have embedded in my little fairy tale head of mine. I was determined that once I left home, went to college and went on with my career that I would try harder to succeed and go further than I ever did before. Although I’ve come a long ways, the reality is that I still have a long way to go. God is still shaping me and molding me into his perfect plan for my life. The only way I will know and understand what it is, is to draw close to him and seek out HIS will for my life. I know that he needs for me to be still, listen and stop being SO stubborn. Uggh…it can be so hard at times, and I sometimes feel so selfish and ungrateful, even when I know that I have no right to. He has blessed me with so much.
Dan has been rock solid through all my ups and downs. I have to give it to him because I don’t know how he puts up with my breakdowns, negative chatter and impossible standards. He does so much to help me with his understanding, lightheartedness and uplifting words of encouragement. It is a true blessing to have him in my life.
My family and friends are a gift from God. My Mom and little sis never cease to be there for me and show me how much they love and care about me. They bring so much joy to my life, and I am happy to be able to spend time with them on a regular basis. My friend Tara has been there for me this year more times than I can count, and I can’t thank her enough for her friendship and being the shoulder to cry on when things have been tough in my life. Because of my family and friendships, I am so blessed.
I am excited about Christmas and the holidays because I get to take some forced time away from work to relax. This year we are going to the candlelight service at Stonecreek with Dan’s Mom, my Mom, and my little sister Amanda. I’m going to attempt to make a Christmas Eve dinner at our house. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. =) I have vowed not to stress over it no matter what. If I feel I’m getting frazzled, then we’re going to head to the Chinese restaurant for dinner! After dinner we’re heading over to the see the Ashby’s at the annual Christmas Eve get-together. We will exchange presents and munch on delicious treats all while catching up with each other. It’s one of my favorite parts of Christmas.
It is my hope that each of you are able to find your Christmas cheer and Christmas spirit. To all that reads this, I wish you and your family laughter, joy and happiness this Holiday and into the New Year!